He loved going to church now, there was something about the light. He loved how it streamed in through the windows, and he often thought about poetry he could write, a phrase or a line. And the liturgy was moving.
Stephanie was right, Father Tom had a gentleness, and an insight that were amazing. It wasn’t simply a matter of doctrine, he had deep insights and a faith so pure. He was looking forward to getting to know the guy better. And Dan wondered, should he talk to him, like as in, getting counseling? He could picture himself and Stephanie getting marriage counseling, discussing what marriage was all about. He thought about that often, while sitting in the pew, listening.
But this Sunday was a little different. They had been doing well as a couple, but they never seemed to go beyond a certain point. Stephanie mentioned it on the way walking to the parking lot, after the service. She said, “Dan, I think you’re holding back….” At first, he did not understand, but she continued, “There’s a part of you that is just not there.” “Dan, I think you’re trying to protect yourself.”
He thought about that as he drove home, and realized it was true. He was holding back, from Stephanie, from writing, and especially when it came to faith. He didn’t want to lose Stephanie, and he really did want to write again. And what really did he believe anymore?
On the way home, he stopped at a drug store, and bought something he had not bought in a long time, a notebook. He wanted the kind with college ruled lines, like he used to use, and two pens. Something like anticipation began. He wanted to write about light streaming in through windows.
He went into his den when he got home, which was more like a closet really, with a large piece of wooden furniture, left to him by his great-grandfather. And after opening the pens, and the notebook he wrote:
“As I begin again to write the light, refracting
pushing through our shadows
I think of you Lord God
a river, Your river
floods my soul.”
He wasn’t really too impressed with it, but it was a beginning, and it expressed how he felt. He wrote some more, and he began writing a journal of sorts, which expressed his need to come alive again. And he wrote some notes about Stephanie, which he would never show her……..well until they married.
To be continued.
The title of this series is changing though. It will be called: I Am a River Again.
Writing and Image Copyright 2017, Blue Skies in the Morning